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Dr. Tolulope Oko-Igaire

What is frigidity?

Frigidity is a condition in which a woman is unable to achieve or sustain sexual arousal. She may not be able to exhibit adequate sexual desire, arousal, orgasm or desire for intercourse. It could also be referred to as an inadequate lubrication. Sometimes it may occur with one’s spouse and not with a different partner.



Women’s body are different so you can’t judge all women by the action of one, what works for Mrs. A might not work for Mrs. B, though there are general factors to be considered.

It must also be understood that sexuality, especially in women, involves a complex set of emotion and behaviors, ranging from romance and feelings of closeness and security, to feelings of sensuality and desire. Intimacy has no switch that can be flipped on when one partner wishes to become intimate, and usually the setting and situation must feel right and comfortable before both partners can enjoy it.

Symptoms of frigidity:

i. Lack of enjoyment during lovemaking
ii. Unresponsiveness towards sex
iii. Vaginal dryness
iv. Pain during lovemaking
v. Low sexual drive

Causes of frigidity

Most time this is either physical or emotional.
1. If the partner is unable to sexually arouse a woman and does not even take care of her physical and emotional needs, a woman may develop frigidity.

2. In most of the cases, communication gap between the couple leads to lack of sexual interest in women. Women take sex not merely as a physical relationship. For them it goes beyond the body and is a committed emotional bond. Where this emotional bond is missing, chances are high that even the sexual life won’t be great.

3. Like anxiety results in premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and ejaculatory problems in men, it results in lack of arousal in women.

4. Women on medication due to chronic depression also fail to get sexually aroused even if there is enough stimulation.

5. In absence of proper education about the different birth control methods, a woman may not feel like having sex due to fear of getting pregnant.

6. Some women, due to strict religious backgrounds or orthodox orientation take sex as something to be refrained from. Obviously they don’t then get aroused by their partner and have limited to no sexual desire.

7. Some women, mostly newlyweds, fear sex due to the pain it may lead to during the first few times of trying. Some also fear that it may lead to sexually transmitted infections and diseases like AIDS.

8. The sexual desire in women decreases considerably as they age, in particular after menopause. This is due to reduction in estrogen levels and other menopause related complications.

9. Previous surgery, such as removal of the uterus, may also lead to the inability to perform sexually.

10. Deep-seated psychological problems in a women including some bad past experiences like rape during childhood, physical abuse by a family member etc can also prevent women from enjoying their sexual lives.

11. Situational factors eg, mother in-law stays in the next room, dirty or intoxicated partners, noise maker beds, etc.

12. Low self esteem or lack of self confidence.

13. Over-dependence on pornography resulting to near impossible expectation.

14. Alcohol consumption.

15. Vaginal dryness, lack of adequate foreplay, low men sexual performance etc.

Cure for frigidity:

1. The only solution to cure frigidity is to find out the root of the problem.

2. Communicate

3. Genuine concern

4. Desire to enjoy sex and satisfy your partner. You are not expected to deprive one another, that doesn’t mean you should not give room for compromise when she’s too tired or sick.

5. There are some herbal remedies but I’m not too sure of them. And medical treatment that involves increasing the level of hormones responsible for sexual drive in women.

6. Most effective solution is to talk to a therapist. You can schedule a sex therapy appointment with me and say goodbye to all your sexual problems.

Dr. Tolulope Oko-Igaire is a Sex Therapist, Relationship & Marriage Counselor, Family Life Coach and Matchmaker. She can be reached on Twitter: @itwtolu
Tel: 08184575377, 08035037992, 084301449



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