“Well let’s see. You started it so paybacks are a bitch. You should have divorced him back when you were fucking around. Was the grass greener on the other side? You found out it wasn’t didn’t you? Or perhaps he should have divorced you back then. So now put up with it or hit the road.”
Time to call off the charade.
You haven’t had a marriage for sometime; actually, since you made the executive decision to crawl into another man’s bed.
Your guy was hurt.
And instead of admitting as much to you and calling it a day, he just decided your infidelity gave him carte blanche to commit one of his own.
He’s taken it farther than yours.
But you’ve both decided your marital vows mean ‘jack squat’.
So, end the deception and the lie that what you have is a marriage.
It isn’t.
Real marriage is built on trust, fidelity, honor and respect. Somewhere in that mix, forgiveness and compassion factor. Your hubby had the opportunity to take the high road and actually forgive you for your indiscretion with this other guy.
Instead, he chose to compound the atrocity by committing one, likely at the outset, just to make you feel as bad as he did after finding out the truth about you.
But somewhere along the way, his tryst turned into something more, something better than he expected.
You don’t ‘cheat’ for 3 years.
Maybe 3 months.
This isn’t a transient thing with your guy.
He’s decided the other woman is where he’d rather be.
So, call his bluff.
End things and be very glad that you did.
…N.Z.
Cheated only once, so in your definition how many times cheating qualifies as a punishable offence. Since you cheated so he might have thought of it as no big deal and he forgave you so you can do the same. Looking at his commitment he doesn’t wants to leave you as well, he wants .
.. .A.A.
My wife cheated on me 9 times. I distanced myself physically and emotionally but I remained in the marriage for the sake of the kids until my daughter one day said “Dad it’s time to leave mom. you’ll be a lot happier” That was the day I separated from my wife. I found a nice lady who was also married before. Then my wife comes along and harrasses my new partner. She didnt want to go through this drama and she left. I’ve now asked the authorities to have a restraining order against my wife.
Usually women think its OK for them to cheat, live their life adventurously , spontaneously and come back to their husband or partner when they need a shoulder to lean on. I played too much into this and I’m so sick of it now. I know I should’ve left her sooner. These narcissistic women should be given a dose of their own medicine.
…S.P.
Okay. He doesn’t want to leave her. Did he say he wanted to leave you? He may have tried to forgive you but his heart was still broken. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.
The intention for an affair may not have been there but when it presented itself he didn’t see the point of declining. He allowed himself because you allowed yourself. It wasn’t the intent to hurt you. It was to make himself feel better.
It was to make what you did feel more tolerable so he could get over it. It was also to ease the hit in case you cheated again. He may still very much love you but this helps him care less. He could now look you in your eyes knowing what you’ve done because he knew what he was doing.
As far as what you should do, do what’s in your heart. If it says leave, then leave. If this relationship only affects you (your ego) because another woman exists and not because he’s been an ass about it then let it be.
If this woman has balanced him out and made him a better husband for you then she’s not a problem. Not all women want to take a man from his home. Sometimes it works best the way it is because of how it is, like ying and yang. Only you know who he was before and during the affair so only you know what you should do.
Best of luck!
…L79
Consider your marriage over. That’s all you can do. You betrayed his trust and thought things were going to go right back to being hunkey dorey? Nope. Not by a fuckin long shot. That man you once fell in love with and married? He’s gone. He left the moment he found out about your affair. Who you have left is a man who knows he can now sleep around with any woman he wants to, because he knows you’re too desperate to abandon the comforts he provides you.
The best thing you can do, is to either accept that your marriage is doomed and move on, or take the easy route and continue to passively accept your role as his house keeper while he gets his rockies off with women who ARENT you.
If it sounds like I’m sandbagging you, it’s because I am. I loathe cheaters with my entire soul and those who do it deserve every ounce of bad karma they sew upon themselves.
…J.P.
Three years is a long time. He didn’t forgive you. He got revenge. Your marriage was over when you broke the bonds. Whether you cheated once or 100 times, you acted like you weren’t married. Now you want to be upset your husband did the same. Counseling may work, but I doubt it at this point. You’d be smart if you both moved on and learned the definition of fidelity. Rest assured once the other woman becomes the wife, unless your ex husband gets his head on straight, he will cheat on her too. I’m sorry you both needed to grow up. What a bad way to learn that. Good luck with your priorities in the future.
…V.R.
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